On forgiveness

• Forgive and forget (American axiom)

• Forgive and remember (Irish expression)

• Irish Alzheimer’s: forgetting/forgiving everything but the grudges

It’s my memory. It’s not me. Me? I’m as nice as a piece of pie. But it’s my memory. My ma used to say that it would be the death of me, my memory. She said it was a curse to remember so much. Maybe it had something to do with being Irish. Or Russian. But I always knew when someone helped me, when they came on board and when they said ‘no.’ She said that I remembered what most people would try to forget. I shrugged it off as some ranting from the original ‘worry-wart.’ Sooner or later, it was the memory that almost did me in. Almost. Turns out that I wasn’t through with my earthly journey yet. And, in all fairness, I think there was something that I was supposed to do before I was called home. Both times the grim reaper came a-calling, he waited ‘til I was asleep. He’s like that. The original coward, that’s his edge, to get you in your sleep. But still, both times I told him to go scratch his behind but not in those exact words.

I did my damnedest to get my house in order; changed my lifestyle, changed my habits and I started loving life again. But, y’know, we’re all wired a specific way—some are hard-wired and there’s not much you can do to change that. I used to work 15 hours a day, I rather enjoyed it, and then I started writing 15 hours a day, again, because I enjoyed it. But that forgiveness thing—I just couldn’t get my arms around that one. I did forgive myself for beating myself up when someone slighted me (I was unable to do that before) but to forgive the offender, no, I couldn’t do that. That’s probably a shortcoming on my part, so if that’s the least that I have to apologize for, then so be it.

Each and every one of us (men AND women) has a set of rules that we must live by and each set of rules is as individual as the person who makes them his/her own. Not that these rules are carved in stone although we’d like to think that should be the case. No, we make rules that we have to live by and we expect that others are doing the same. In due course, we find out that it has only been us that have been living by our stringent rules that others [and these are in the majority] have neglected to put in place. To them, life has always been a picnic or a day at the beach—just one long volleyball game followed by beer and hot-dogs. Then and only then, do you get to take a long hard look at the paces that you have put yourself through.

To keep a tally sheet on those who have helped you and when and how takes an awful lot out of you. If they’re your friends, then they will help you without being asked. If they don’t, then you just picked a fair-weather friend and that’s no ones fault but your own. My grandma used to say if you lend a friend $50 and you never see him again, you got off cheap. And that forgiveness thing? Just let life take care of them. If they’ve been cutting any corners, life will eventually even out the score and believe you me, when life hits you, it’ll hit you like a train. Not that you’re wishing these people any ill-will, but what goes around, comes around. Let life do the rememberin’ then you can start with the forgettin’. At least, that’s how I see it. MLProko (2011) www.mikeproko.com

Published in: on August 16, 2011 at 5:25 pm  Leave a Comment  
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